


Give You What You Like

by KyeAbove



Series: Bittersweetness [1]
Category: Tom and Jerry (MGM/Hanna-Barbera)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Blue Cat Blues (Tom and Jerry), Childhood Friends, Denial of Feelings, Gen, Homelessness, Kissing, M/M, Mistakes, Mutually Unrequited, Non-Linear Narrative, Phone Calls & Telephones, Poverty, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26492266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyeAbove/pseuds/KyeAbove
Summary: Reunited as older adults, Tom and Jerry have to face the consequences of their violent rivalry and think more upon the moments in their past where they could have been friends if only they'd given it a chance.
Relationships: Jerry Mouse & Nibbles Mouse, Spike Bulldog & Tom Cat, Tom Cat/Jerry Mouse
Series: Bittersweetness [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2052063
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A weird random human AU where they're now older men after being childhood rivals and Jerry having grown up poor and a thief that stole from Tom's family, and Tom is a formally rich class traitor. Its just that kind of year.

Tom wished he could have saved Jerry long before he'd been broken. Taking him off the starving streets was a set in the right direction but it didn't make up for the years he'd chased him away. 

Tom wanted to help, but he knew he could never save anyone from what he had already done. Jerry needed him, but not this way.

The words weren't his own; they were the ones Jerry had already given Tom. "I wish you had saved me."

This wasn't Tom's fault. He swore he didn't do it. It was a lie as soon as it reached his tongue and he could never speak it through.

It was not about a plan to reform the aged thief, or knowing when it was time to take action. This was about the consequences he was leaving for Jerry.

What's was left now? What needed to be done now? Is it about losing him? Is it about getting better? Or is it a way of moving on?

When Tom finally knew where he stood, he realized he needed to change his mind. He needed to wake up. To understand. That Jerry had become a thief out of necessity. Stolen food was nothing like what could come from lack of it. 

Tom didn't know until it was too late to save Jerry. He tried to get Jerry to understand what happened from his point of view, but his old friend wouldn't listen, or didn't believe him. He wasn't the sort of thief Tom thought him to be, but what he must have been was not like Tom.

So the story of their mistaken rivalry ends. It started after all. Not that everyone has to learn by their actions, but that when you learn, you move on. To move forward. To live. To move on and look forward to a better lie. What he was doing at that time was a way to start moving on.That's what Tom found. What he was being told.

Tom was not a liar. He's a man, born to work. A man now without lies. Because the only thing Jerry needs is someone to take responsibility for him.

To protect him. To make him feel safe. For him. For the rest of his life. To make him feel that he doesn't have to worry about his mistakes, and not have to do so because it's the right thing to do. Tom's not like that. He wants to just be left alone to live his life in peace. To look forward. To move on and live in peace with what's here. But for Jerry he would put aside his selfish desires. And he would also be willing to give everything up, because he wanted to be happy and to have what he wanted. He wanted to be a good man.

Tom hoped Jerry saw that. 

And then in late summer, months after they'd reunited, he realized that Jerry was still there. Not that the streets seemed preferable to the living room couch, but it was such a sign of trust that Tom wanted to cry.

This time he'd never do anything to hurt him again. And not for a second. Nothing, absolutely nothing, if he would just be right, and not for a second, be himself. 

Tom had spent a lot of time reading books about what he should say to Jerry. Books to help him understand that Jerry loves him enough to give him a chance at being there for him when he needs it. And it was Tom who'd put it in writing. _"Be there. When Jerry needs it. It's not because of you. It's because of him that you're now a good man and you've found peace. Because you're the kind of person who wants to live."_ And that was it. The two could do this without any fear. So, they could live their lives together. Tom would be there when Jerry needed it.

And he would watch Jerry and smile when he'd show that he trusted Tom. And he would wait for the next time he was lucky enough to catch Jerry's own smile. 

"I think I love you, Tom." Jerry would sometimes say, but Tom never believed him. It was a lie to cover up the close living arrangements. 

"You'll never love me, Jerry. You'll never love me." Tom would laugh, the words never reaching past his ears. 

That night Tom waited for Jerry to craw into bed with him, always, but he didn't want to touch him. He waited too long, but Jerry didn't want him to wait any longer. With only minor prompting, Tom would kiss Jerry for hours. "Tom, this is love." Jerry would say when they stopped to breath, but Tom wouldn't believe him. Jerry would kiss him, and Tom would smile into it.

Jerry would smile too and it would always feel like an embrace. "If you just do what I say, Jerry, I could never love you." Jerry would whisper in Tom's ear. "I love you too." Tom would say, but Jerry would never believe him either. He'd just stop talking.

"What do you want me to do?" Tom would ask after one of the long nights long after Jerry had fallen asleep. Tom had to admit, he had no idea what Jerry was waiting for with him. Tom had learned from his experience last week that Jerry has more problems than he realizes. In his life and now during his sleep, Jerry sometimes seems to be searching for things in Tom. Tom was surprised by Jerry's fascination for Tom, but Tom didn't argue with Jerry and tried to explain the situation as best he could. But Jerry kept pushing him away. But once Jerry got in bed with Tom he could tell Jerry was trying to get closer. With every kiss that Jerry takes Tom sees something he wants more than anything he could ever hope to have.

Tom thought about his life, about what it would be like if he was just born again. Then he thought about Jerry. "How can I love him more than him?" Tom said, looking at Jerry and watching the dark space between them, "How can I love a man more than he's going to love me?" He wondered. "How can I tell if you're not in love with me?" he could only ask and he would hear no response. Tom thought it was so clear what Jerry meant to him. 

"If I am not in love with him and if I am never really in love with him, then he won't love me,"

Tom took a few deep breaths and relaxed again. He felt his heart beat faster and his stomach churning. In the silence before him, Tom thought about how little he knew about Jerry. He realized he didn't know where he was going. He felt a sharp and familiar pain in his chest as if he had broken ribs. Tom relaxed again, and the sharp pain in his chest vanished. He reached his arm to the side and picked Jerry up and closer to him. Jerry blinked half-awake and stared at Tom. Tom pulled back slowly. "Jerry," he whispered.

"Tom...?"

"Is this how you feel? When you've never felt anything?" The words were soft. Tom felt warm against the tenderness of Jerry's body, made of soft skin and even softer hair. Tom moved Jerry closer to him. Jerry shook his head. Tom looked at him again, listening. He knew what he was going to say. "I feel." He spoke his words with such confidence for someone only barely awake. "I'm a person. I'm not a toy." Jerry had to look away. 

"Oh," Tom said as if the answer never occurred to him. 

"Why? What are you saying?" Tom felt his heart beating faster. 

"Because you're not a toy, Jerry," he answered. "No. You're my soul." Tom reached forward, pulled somehow even Jerry closer, and gently mumbled, "I want you to be my friend. You're my soul. You're my best friend. You're my life. You're my purpose." Jerry stared at Tom for a second, but he felt this soft, loving grip. "Jerry," Tom's voice was still gentle. "I want you to believe. Because I know you can. Because I know that it's true, that it's okay, that you don't have to try. I want you to feel. Believe. I want more than words and I want more than actions that anyone could go through if they need to hold up some lie."

"I thought we went into this because you were scared of me leaving?" 

At that, Tom leaned down and kissed Jerry's cheek "Didn't we talk about some things you felt terrible about? Didn't we talk about those things as well as we needed?" He really thought Jerry was feeling. He clearly loved the way Tom had kissed his cheek. The way they were making light noises now and again, all the while they stared at each other. The way their mouths pressed together in another kiss, finished as quickly as it started when Jerry pulled away.

"You're right," Jerry admitted, not looking at Tom. Tom could have sworn he could smell his tears on his lips. "You were worried for me. You just don't know how sad and broken you really are." 

"I told you everything, didn't I? Every thing that I wanted in the world." Tom thought it was kind of a weak excuse to deny the whole truth. Jerry's eyes were wet, but it was the way he was looking at Tom that reminded him that it was him he was talking about. 

Jerry was sure that Tom was just too afraid to admit his feelings, though he couldn't help but feel for the other man. He could remember the rough kiss he gave him that day in their youth, and the way they'd returned to the same game of cat and mouse despite what could have changed that day.

"Do you ever want me to leave?" 

"No, I don't." Tom replied, still staring at Jerry with pitiful eyes.

"You're so... so good... and loving..." Jerry was struggling to hold back tears, his face twisted with emotion as he sobbed without tears into the fingers of his left hand.

"I don't think we're ever going to leave." Tom told him, his voice almost crying as he spoke. He was truly hurt. He had made an honest mistake in his youth and regretted it. He'd been so blind to the true horror of poverty, and for someone to grow up like that when he'd been so privileged was what broke him too. "So what do you want, honey?" 

"Well... I told you I loved you, didn't I?

"I love you too, and I don't want you to leave. I know this won't get better soon, but I wanted to say something. I didn't mean to make you this way. I'm sorry." Tom told him

"You don't have to talk anymore, Tom. I won't. This life is so much better than mine. The food we have is the food we need. We're not the people we were before and I'm happy this way I swear" Jerry replied, tears now streaming down his face. "Right now, I just want to sleep."

Tom agreed. He felt so very tired. He knew he was far from happy, but he never wanted to leave this bed. He wanted Jerry to remain. With the words they needed to say spoken, they fell asleep in each other's arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part mostly tackles after feelings that come from the events of the episode Blue Cat Blues.

"Jerry could easily ruin you." Spike warned Tom darkly.

"He will not. It's just like a dream, that." Tom snorted, tipping the glass of wine up towards his shaking lips. It was all a dream, and nothing more. He had suffered over twenty years and had the right to dream now. He was forty-nine now; middle-aged. He didn't have the heart of a foolish man out only to win the heart of someone more in love with his money. 

Spike shook his head as he stared. "You sure about that?" His voice was laced with all the concern he'd held for his half-brother since that day twenty-five years ago when Jerry Mouse had brought him back to him, talking in a whisper about a train and a near loss of life. 

Tom's eyes were full of tears and he was trembling. "I thought we were good. I thought we agreed that the past is the past and we can stop talking about...the train." Tom gave Spike a sad smile and Spike smiled back, trying to encourage the lessening of tears. "I love you Spike. We haven't always been the best of brothers but you...you're the best I could have asked for."

Tom took another sip of his drink and continued on his monologue. "We can't change now. I've got to take care of Jerry. And you have to live your life." Spike was over a decade older, with an adult son and no doubt further expansions to the family on the way. Tom saw no reason that Spike should linger so much on the past.

Tom was going to have to admit that the most important thing for him to do now was to spend more time with Spike. It would be much easier on them both. Tom wasn't sure how to feel about the idea of becoming friends with his brother. For once in his life Tom believed his brother should have his own back. However he hadn't had to grow up around violence. 

Tom was in a world where every situation was dangerous and often deadly. Spike had seen so little violence.

"Jerry's always been a bit of a bad influence, but if he knew I was having a hard time..." The cup's rim danced on his lips but the bitter liquid didn't reach his mouth. "Sometimes he thinks we should never talk about anything but the train incident. I think he's just trying to stop us from talking about who we are or where we come from. But it doesn't help us any."

"He's not a bad influence, really. I think it's been a real good thing for us as long as you don't let his presence drag you down." Spike felt Tom's eyes turn bright at him. Tom had started to relax. Spike felt relieved, and his own shoulders lost some tension. 

Spike stood up. "So tell me, Tom. What happened and why did you do it?"

Tom put down his cup. "...Jerry and I kiss...a lot. I think I love him and I know he loves me, but it feels so...wrong." Tom began to lean back into the seat. "And I just wanted to give myself a chance to change for a day. Now I don't feel like I'm allowed to ask for it in the real world. Just a chance to get away for a day. It's just as I wanted it to be. Just like in my dreams." He smiled softly. "That would be nice, if it meant I wouldn't have to live every day like it was always wrong." Tom looked away slightly.

"I suppose you're right. But as we've told you, you're not always right." Spike pointed out. "So what did Jerry do to earn the love you so desperately desire? Is it love of his own accord? Is it something else?" Tom was startled. 

It was Spike's turn to monologue. "The last time you saw him before pulling him off the streets was the train incident. Are you fully prepared to embrace that part of your relationship? I know it seems strange for you to embrace that part of your relationship as well, but if it can help you get past what could have been the last night of your lives...well, I guess that's a plus." Tom was surprised at how angry Spike seemed. No, not anger. Worry. "Please, just listen to what I've said, and go from there." 

Tom nodded, and put down the glass, half empty, but no longer as deeply needed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm using Nibbles other name of Tuffy for this since this is a human AU and Tuffy sounds slightly more like a human name than Nibbles. Nibbles would have certainly been Jerry's nickname for him though. Jerry's sister's name comes from his sister in Tom and Jerry Tales.

Stealing was a way of life. A way of continuing on. When Jerry had been young, stealing had been for himself, and for Tuffy. It was hard on his own wellbeing raising his nephew when he'd been so young then too. Yet it had been worth it. Tuffy was off now, somewhere, so Jerry had no one but himself to care about. They didn't usually have the means to stay in contact when Jerry had never had a permanent address to send letters to, nor a phone to call. But now he had Tom's phone. He wondered if Tuffy's number was still the same since he'd managed to track down the coins and a payphone to use them in. 

His fingers traced the screen of the cellphone, the lockscreen still holding in place. Jerry wanted to call his nephew but even while he could see the simple pattern in fingerprints on the screen that could easily aid in figuring out the motion needed to unlock the phone, he didn't want to betray Tom's trust. Tom was asleep in the bed beside him.

Jerry knew all he had to do was ask, and yet he wondered if that would make or break this fragile love they had built. If Jerry asked for something so personal, so removed from Tom, would Tom show true colors and tell him off? Show that the angry boy who he grew up being chased by was in fact the true face of this man and not a figment of both their imaginations?

He only stole because Tom's family had more than enough money and food to go around. Tom only chased him because his parents told it him it was wrong that Jerry didn't want to starve to death just because he had been born into a family with far less money. Jerry's sister moved onto far greater things herself, even leaving behind her son to do it, and nobody had blamed her for her choices. 

Even with how much he did miss her too, he didn't have his sister Geraldine's number. There was a chance Tuffy had found it in the months since they'd last talked, searching for a mother that never came back for him, but Jerry couldn't say. Couldn't say until he either woke up Tom to ask to use his phone, used it without asking, or waited until later in the morning when his nerve to call Tuffy could be ended. 

Tom slept a lot. Usually well into the afternoon some days, although Jerry's presence seemed to inspire pre-noon wake ups lately. Tom would stumble into the kitchen at ten thirty and pour into a large mug from an hours old pot of coffee like it was a lifeline and then the very next hour be right as rain and ready to do anything. Jerry prefered only a small cup of coffee in the morning so there was always plenty left.

His own first cup of coffee had come shortly after Tom's. After a long night of chasing each other through Tom's far too big house, Jerry had stubbornly returned thinking that Tom would be too tired to chase him. He'd been half right. He'd entered the kitchen and Tom was there grimacing over a steaming mug. He'd pushed another freshly poured cup towards Jerry and they'd just drank in silence until the caffeine kicked in and they chased each other around until the crash and ended up falling asleep together in Tom's bed. 

Jerry regretted sometimes that he didn't take advantage of Tom's more tender moments when they were young. But he'd seen only an enemy, and Tom saw only a threat. Jerry wondered sometimes what their lives could have been if they'd just accepted that neither would hurt the other if they just let love in. If those moments had been followed up on. Their first words to each other, their first kiss, the time Tom had a party while his parents and brother were away and after Tom and Jerry had been fighting over the noise until Butch had slipped them spiked drinks. They'd ended up dancing together instead of fighting, a tangle of limbs and feet and music that Jerry could hum even now.

They could have been so much more when they were younger. Now they were men near fifty and it was never going to be the same as it could have been. Marriage would have been impossible for nearly all of what could have been, but they could have been comfortable, hiding under the radar and allowed to raise Tuffy together because Jerry had the proof that Tuffy was his nephew and that his sister was unfit to raise him. Jerry wouldn't have had to be a thief any longer. It felt decades too late, this new normal, but Jerry didn't want to waste this second chance.

Rolling back over in bed, Jerry cuddled up to Tom and reached over and placed the phone back on the nightstand. 

Later morning, over coffee and soft kisses, Jerry would ask for the phone properly. With that resolve, even as sunlight started to flitter through the bedroom window curtains, Jerry fell back asleep next to the love of his life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short flashback arc to when Tuffy was a baby. This should be about two or three chapters.

Jerry hadn't wanted to think what bleak thoughts were running around his sister's head when she thought her son would be safer with Jerry, than wherever she was running off to. The little baby fussed and shivered constantly and never more than ever did Jerry wish if he couldn't afford a house, an apartment, something in his name. At the very least a better insulated building to hide away the winter in would be ideal. 

It was fall, and the chill was in the air, and there was only so much body heat Jerry could share with Tuffy when he was already feeling the cold himself. 

Tucking in Tuffy's swaddled blanket and wrapping the larger blanket around them both, Jerry weighed his options. He was fifteen, alone with a baby. No food. No job. Alone.

Homeless shelters usually cost money, or were filled up too quickly no matter how quickly Jerry raced to get a spot. Some didn't like children in the space, further complicating Tuffy's precense. He was considerate Tuffy would be better off abandoned with the state, but he'd heard all sorts of horror stories of the foster system from fellow homeless people who had run from it. 

Tuffy was cold with him, in danger, but Jerry knew he was safest in his arms. 

The little baby was mumbling, and then snuggled into Jerry's arms. Some of the shivering was subsiding, and Tuffy snuffled and then wiggled to have access to Jerry's hair. He began chewing on the hair, and Jerry knew exactly what that meant. 

"Hungry, Nibbles?" Jerry asked his nephew fondly, lightly resting his head on top of Tuffy's. He didn't know how to tell the baby that there was no food. There was no money to buy any food or any more formula. "I am too..." 

His stomach growled but Tuffy's hunger was more important. There was one place for him to get food, but the Cat family didn't keep formula around. Jerry in turn hated stealing money. 

Jerry considered the idea of introducing Tuffy to crushed food a bit early, sure he could find at least a banana in the Cats' kitchen to mush up, when another thought occured to him. Tom hated when Jerry stole from the kitchen even when they had plenty to go around. Tom would do anything to stop Jerry. 

Would he pay for Tuffy's formula if it kept Jerry out of his kitchen? Jerry stood up shakily, tucking Tuffy close to his chest. It was very low a chance, but there was little harm in asking. 

The consequences of not trying anything were far bleaker than he wanted to imagine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe Tom/Jerry is now canon. Thanks 2021 movie.

The streets were cold and Jerry felt unwelcome in this cold as much as he was unwelcome at home. Not that there was a home to return to anymore. No place to be except a few more blocks up. Tuffy had started to sniffle five minutes before and Jerry knew time was of the essence. He didn't want his nephew to die because he couldn't keep a steady pace in the snow.

It was really starting to come down, and Jerry himself started to shiver again. Snowflakes hit his face like little pinches across his skin. Movement helped the rest of his body but only so much. He passed by a doctor's office he occasionally frequented, and recalled this time last year he had been there to get treatment for frostbite. The doctor there was a doctor of the mind, but his wife was a nurse and would treat the homeless population when she happened to pop by her husband's office. Jerry considered stopping by there, asking them if they had access to formula but it seemed pointless and if he stopped know he would-

The front door to the doctor's office opened up with a sharp crunch against the snow on the step. "Jerry? Is that you!? Come in here before you freeze!"

Jerry stopped walking at the sound of the concerned voice, and stared down one of the doctor's adoptive children. He and the boy were friends and Jerry felt a little guilty he hadn't come this way sooner. "Sorry, I'm a bit busy...not freezing." Jerry said to the frantic boy, and cuddled Tuffy to his chest tighter but not tight enough to squish the fragile form of his nephew. His young friend's eyes went to Tuffy and he gasped. Jerry tried to hide Tuffy deeper his jacket, a bit embarrassed and afraid to admit he was no longer alone on the streets.

Jerry dared to consider the idea of going in. But that would be temporarily. And Tom's mansion wasn't too far ahead. If he went inside he might lose his nerve to ask Tom for help. The doctor or his wife may be able to provide food for Tuffy once, but the needs of a baby far exceeded the charity they could give when more than just Jerry needed help. They also had their own three kids to provide for.

Tom Cat meanwhile had more money than he or his family would ever spend on their own needs in a lifetime. They were selfish and greedy and cruel. Tom barely above them in terms of decency. Spike was even better, often trying to keep the peace between he and Tom, but he was an adult and adults could not usually be trusted with more than brief thought. Jerry didn't even fully trust the doctor and nurse even as they usually were the better sort of adults.

They might even try taking Tuffy away.

Jerry flashed his young friend a smile. "I'll swing by after I'm done seeing Tom. He and I have some...something to discuss." Jerry shifted Tuffy in his arms, and let his friend catch a better glimpse of the fussy baby. The younger boy cracked a smile.

"Oh." With that tone alone, Jerry knew his friend had either accidentally or on purpose misread the context. "Goodnight everybody!" He waved at no person, laughing to himself. "Good luck with that, Jer. I'll tell the sibs you'll be over." And with that the boy closed the door and Jerry once again felt an emptiness. The void was here to stay, and there was nothing left to lose. The empty, cold, hour of reckoning filled him with a sense of dread. 

Putting him in one arm, Jerry cupped Tuffy's cold cheeks, not liking how red they were. Whoever Tuffy's father was, he took after his complexion. Jerry could see his faults in every shade of red in Tuffy's light face. He was a pale baby already, but he was getting too pale. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. We're almost there."   
  
Jerry started running against the storm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read the other story in this series, you may be able to guess who the boy in this chapter was but since this is purely a Tom and Jerry fic I kept his name out. 
> 
> I have designs on Tumblr of the humanized Tom and Jerry in this fic [here](https://kyeabove.tumblr.com/post/644344476542894080/more-updated-human-designs-for-tom-and-jerry-in)


End file.
